I don’t like making goals. Just being honest. Goals scare me.
I think Brennig having cancer has given me PTSD in regard to goal making. The fact that our lives came to a screeching halt, five+ years ago has shaken my very core.
Our family’s lifestyle of moving a lot (like every three-four years) has made goals pretty much impossible to attain because of life… (Life gets in the way of a lot of stuff I would like to do.)
Adding to that, I have had multiple home businesses, read MLM businesses, that despite having made goals in regard to them, I failed miserably.
And who is kidding, kids make making goals hard. Maybe I could be a better parent by not letting my children and their activities/problems get in the way of goal achieving? I don’t know, I just always seem to get waylaid by road blocks in my path.
Maybe it’s just me. I always feel like a failure when I make goals. I feel like every time that I make one, something happens and I can never finish it. I wanted to be able to run 6 miles by the end of 2019. That didn’t happen, in fact, I very deliberately, gave up. More on that in a bit.
Maybe I don’t understand the psychology of goals and goal setting at all? Maybe my goals are just so unattainable that it was impossible to make them?
Despite my “bad” history with goal-making, I did make some goals for 2020, sort of by accident. My friend, Claire posted a link and showed her Instagram world some goal making sheets that she received from EliseJoy. I thought, this wouldn’t hurt. It would give tangible evidence of working toward any goals and maybe that would help me stay on track. I downloaded them and put them to work for me. (All you have to do is sign up for the newsletter and you can download them).
So this year, I am going to put my goals “out there” for the world to see. I don’t have a lot because I feel like I can chew on small morsels and not feel too overwhelmed. I can, potentially, get too focused on my goals and something else might be neglected. That is a fear I have. That something that was the most important would be neglected.
So here goes:
Exercise Goal – This may actually be an anti-goal or at least not what most people do. I need to explain a bit of back history in regard to this one. In 2011, I ran a half-marathon. I was at or maybe 5 pounds above my ideal weight but I felt fit. Over the course of the next 9 years, my fitness has been off and on. Obviously, Brennig’s cancer diagnosis and treatment put a huge detour sign in my fitness road, but I got back to it and off and on kept at it. But all the while my weight has kept creeping up. Partially because Brennig’s diagnosis has created apathy in my eating habits (Why is that?) and partially, I believe, as a result of stress. I decided that since my running goal was not happening because of busyness and since my weight was still going up despite running and burning tons of calories, I decided that maybe 2020 would be an anti-running year. My goal this year is to do gentle/walking exercise. That may mean ONLY just closing my Apple Watch exercise circle (Don’t get me started about how addictive that stupid app on the Apple Watch is. I.MUST.CLOSE.MY.CIRCLES!). I do not have to have 60+ minutes of strenuous exercise and I am not going to feel guilty if I don’t close my exercise circle. I am going to try and get 30-60 minutes of exercise 4 times a week and that will increase to 5 times come May, after school finishes. This past week has been bad because we’re still Christmassing and my oldest is still at home. (He flies out this weekend and I have thoroughly enjoyed having him home and I cannot wait to see what 2020 holds for him. He is planning on staying in the Midwest for the summer so we may not see him for a really long time. )
Morning Prayer – My family is Anglican. In fact, my husband is an Anglican priest. Part of our tradition is to do Morning Prayer every morning. Because my husband has to be at work at 0-dark thirty in the morning, I cannot do it with him. So I am able to do it by myself. The liturgy for this short time is in the Book of Common Prayer, which is our manual of church “stuff”. Recently a person has put the liturgy online and so I can do it on the go and not have to keep flipping back and forth in the Prayer Book and my Bible. It has been a lifesaver for me. The web app also has the option of listening to the scripture part of the liturgy. It’s a blessing to hear God’s word being read as I follow along.
As a mom, having Morning Prayer time is hard. I am an early riser, but sometimes life begins and I cannot get to it. (Yes, we have Midday, Evening and Compline (Go to Bed) Prayer as well). So, in response to this frenetic life, I have decided to do Morning Prayer 4 times a week as well. It is the priority. If it means, I don’t get exercise in, that’s okay. My priority has to be my relationship with God. I can always close my exercise circle some other time.
Media – Oh boy, this is a big one. My phone is attached to me. I am attached to my phone. Because we have a transient lifestyle and are away from family and friends, social media has become something I love and something I hate. So I made a goal that has two parts.
1) I am now plugging in my phone in the kitchen overnight. I do not have it by my bed. I do not want to look at social media first thing in the morning anymore.
2) On Sundays, actually Saturday night before I go to bed, I take off all social media from my phone. That way I rest from FOMO which all the socials give me. I have done it two weeks in a row and I am actually quite proud of myself, if I am able to feel that way. 😛
Blog – I can’t believe that I can say this, but I have planned out my blog posts for the year. I like to fly by the seat of my pants, just in case something goes wrong, but I have come to realize that if I have things written down, I tend to actually do them. I am a list maker after all.
So there it is, folks, I did want I didn’t want to do and I made some goals for the year. I hope and pray that this year is filled with blessing for all of you. I cannot wait to see how the Lord leads us through this year.
And if you haven’t figured it out from my Instagram stories (@dojoyates), I am a huge Andrew Peterson fan. I love his new book Adorning the Dark and because of his writings on creativity, I did set the goal to write on my blog this year. I also love his music and this week, the song that speaks truth is called Have Your Way. Here are the lyrics and the link to YouTube is in the title. May this be a prayer for this year.
Have Your Way
Father, hear me now when I am humbled
I fear that I will soon forget
Now I have no strength to stand and stumble
I have no wish to leave you—yet
O Holy Father, hear me now
When flesh is strong and spirit weak
Please break my back if I won’t bow
Won’t you have your way with me
Father, hear me now when I am humbled
When I am bent with holy shame
All the lies that I believed have crumbled
The blood of Christ my only claim
I cannot trust my own designs
My heart is prone to disobey
So listen, Lord, while there is time
Chain me fast if I won’t stay
Take my life and have your way
Please hear me, Lord, this blessed hour
When sin has loosed its hold on me
Thy mercy is a mighty tower
So why should I not trust in thee?
Father, have your way with me
Songwriters: Andrew Peterson